I am not good a new year's resolutions but every year I do make the same one:
Try to listen more and talk less.
The reason this is a resolution every year is that I find it a real challenge - still better to try and fail than not try at all!
This week I came across this TED talk by Broadcaster Celeste Headlee. Celeste has 10 tips to help us have better conversations.
In short, she explains how to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting bored and without offending anyone. Effective conversations result in us being engaged, inspired and understood - but it takes effort. Here are her ten top tips. I am determined to work on all of them but number 9 is the key...
10 basic rules to having better conversations:
- Don't multitask - Be present. Be in that moment.
- Don't pontificate - Enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn. Set aside your personal prejudice. Everyone you meet knows something you don't!
- Use open-ended questions - who, what, where why. The more complicated your question is the shorter their answer will be. You won't learn much that way.
- Go with the flow - listen and go with their flow. Do not go off on your own tangent.
- If you do not know something; say you do not know.
- Do not equate your experience with theirs - it is not about you. It is about them.
- Try not to repeat yourself - it is boring and annoying.
- Stay out of the weeds - people do not care about the details.
- LISTEN - if your mouth is open you are not learning. It takes proper energy and effort. Try to make the effort. Listen with the intent to learn - not to reply.
- Be brief
Forget the eye contact, nodding, smiling, repeating back what you just heard etc - the best way to look like you are paying attention is to pay attention!
Note to self - 'Be interested in other people. Keep your mouth shut, your mind open and be prepared to be amazed'